I was recently invited to play basketball on a team on weekends. Basketball is my favorite sport, so I was excited when I got the invitation. Going into the first game, I knew I wouldn’t be productive because I hadn’t played on a team in over 15 years, so I wasn’t in game shape.

However, I’ve been practicing for a few hours on the weekends to get myself in shape for running, jumping, sprinting, shooting, rebounding, and defending. My shot mechanics are still there, and I’ve found my range. I have improved my conditioning, and I will continue to improve as I play more.

The guy who invited me to play goes to the same gym as I do. A few weeks ago, he sent me a text message that irked me. He said something along the lines of “your uniform cost me a lot, your spot could’ve gone to another person, so let’s make up for it.”

Right there, I decided I wasn’t going to play with that team.

That attitude and mentality are not worth the time, focus, and energy I expend being around. It’s as if he’s doing me a favor, and I have to repay him. WTF?!

This is the lesson: Take care of your time, focus, and energy. Most people are not worth it.

The Real Game Isn’t Basketball

The real game is choosing who deserves access to your energy. That text message revealed everything I needed to know about this person’s character and leadership style.

Here’s what that message actually communicated:

1. You owe me – He positioned himself as the benefactor and me as the debtor
2. You’re replaceable – He reminded me that others wanted my spot, implying I should be grateful
3. Transactional thinking – Everything has a price; relationships are quid pro quo

This isn’t leadership; it’s manipulation disguised as motivation.

The Energy Audit

Most people never audit where their energy goes. They join teams, accept invitations, and commit to groups without evaluating the human cost.

Ask yourself these questions before joining any team:

1. Do the leaders inspire or guilt-trip?
2. Is the culture internally collaborative or competitive?
3. Are you valued for your contribution or treated as expendable?
4. Does being around these people energize you or drain you?

Your answers reveal whether you’re joining a team or entering a toxic environment.

The Opportunity Cost of Bad Teams

Every hour you spend with energy vampires is an hour stolen from productive relationships. Every weekend practice with people who don’t respect you is a weekend you could spend building something meaningful.

I’ve seen brilliant people waste years in the wrong environments. They stay due to sunk costs, misplaced loyalty, or fear of starting over. The price isn’t just your time; it’s your potential.

How to Pick Your Team

The basketball invitation taught me something crucial: the invitation itself isn’t the honor – the people extending it determine its value.

Here’s my framework for evaluating any team opportunity:

1. Character over credentials. Look at how they treat people when nothing is at stake. The guy who guilted me about the uniform cost revealed his character in a low-pressure text message. Imagine how he’d behave during actual conflict.
2. Abundance mindset vs. scarcity thinking. Great teams operate from an abundance mindset. They believe there’s enough success for everyone. Toxic teams operate from scarcity – they hoard credit, create artificial competition, and use fear to motivate.
3. Energy direction. High-performing teams direct energy outward toward goals. Dysfunctional teams direct their energy inward, focusing on politics, ego management, and conflict resolution.

The Power of Walking Away

The hardest part isn’t identifying bad teams; it’s having the courage to leave or decline an offer. Society teaches us that opportunities are scarce, that we should be grateful for invitations, and that walking away is quitting. This is garbage thinking.

Walking away from the wrong team isn’t quitting; it’s strategic positioning. It preserves your energy for the right opportunity and signals to the market that you have standards.

Your Energy is Your Currency

You have finite energy each day. How you spend it determines your outcomes, your growth, and your happiness. That basketball team would have consumed my weekends, stressed my relationships, and surrounded me with toxic thinking. Instead, I kept my energy available for better opportunities.

I’m still practicing on the weekends, playing at a local park 🙂

Bottom line: Most people are not worth your energy. This isn’t cynicism; it’s efficiency. Your time, focus, and energy are your most valuable assets. Protect them fiercely. Invest them wisely. And never let anyone guilt you into misspending them.

The right team will want you for who you are, not what you owe them. They’ll add energy to your life, rather than draining it. Choose accordingly.